Good afternoon from a dark and soggy Buckinghamshire.
I often procrastinate about writing posts to subscribers, but I’ve decided that I’m going to start capturing my thoughts and getting them down ‘on paper’ as soon as possible. Otherwise they languish in the Notes app on my phone and never reach anyone.
So, this is one of those posts. Let’s see how it turns out…
Something I’ve been thinking about a lot this week is how I want to spend each day.
Our lives are made up of the decisions we make each day. And, have you noticed, that we often mindlessly meander through each day and then, all of a sudden, another year has disappeared?
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
Annie Dillard
This statement is painfully true. And yet, we seldom actually stop and think about how we’re spending our precious days.
It’s no surprise that the sudden change to my husband’s health at the beginning of the year has put a very fresh perspective on how I now view the world. (Update: he’s doing incredibly well and the ongoing treatment is continuing to be extremely effective for him. It’s still quite unbelievable. This year has been a lot.)
Exhale
We’ve been able to exhale a little bit and get back to some semblance of ‘normality’ in recent weeks, so there are naturally areas of my life where I’ve been noticing more around me than I ever have. It’s like having blinkers removed. I can see the whole picture much clearer than before. And also the tiny, tiny joyful moments.
Here’s what I’ve been noticing in recent weeks:
I’ve smiled as I’ve watched our children play on a beach, climb trees and learn to skim stones with their Uncle. I’ve marvelled at their imagination and carefree nature.
My hearts has swelled when me and my husband have exchanged a knowing glance and smile when one of our children does something sweet or funny.
I’ve found myself reassessing what I’ve been chasing and why. A bigger house, a better car, a plump pension, nice holidays - these are the things that I seem to have always been aiming for, for all of my adult life. But why? To ‘keep up’ with our peers? Because these are the things you ‘should’ have as a grown up? Quite honestly, right now, perfection looks like getting a family dog and owning to a static caravan by the sea. It truly does.
My heart melted when my son picked up a stone that looked like a heart and he handed it to us, saying it was for Mummy and Daddy.
I’ve noticed how tightly my mum squeezes the children when it’s time to say goodbye after visiting.
I’ve felt so much gratitude for the afternoon we all spent in one of our favourite spots on the edge of Ullswater - staying out of the rain, we drank hot chocolates and learned how to play marble solitaire. It was perfection.
I’ve taken photos of the most ordinary of moments - me and my husband in a coffee shop doing life admin on our laptops. Necessary, but so normal. And so underrated. These are the sort of mundane moments I’ve missed when our world was turned upside down earlier this year.
Reflecting on the above, in its simplest form I guess it’s about being more mindful. More present. More grateful. But not in the superficial ways that we read about when these words are scattered all over wellbeing literature that we consume. It’s in a way that feels really raw and real. When something has impacted your world so deeply and profoundly that you experience the full meaning behind the words.
Yep, that’s where I’m at.
And how do I want to spend my days? Where do I want to direct my energy?
I haven’t fully figured it out yet, but I know this for sure. I want more spontaneity, more ease, more joyful moments, more family time, more normality, more play, more headspace, more gentle movement, more meaningful work. I want fewer obligations, less stress, fewer notifications, fewer demands on my time.
Sounds pretty idyllic right? But we get to choose the life we want to live. It’s in the micro decisions we make each day. Because we’re not here forever.
Thought starters / journal prompts
What decision did you make today that you’re proud of?
If you could change one decision you made today, what would it be and why?
What's one small moment today that brought you joy?
How do you plan to spend your time differently tomorrow?
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Pop me a reply by email or head over to Substack and reply in the comments.
With love and gratitude,
Helen x
PS: Coincidentally (is anything ever a coincidence?), I read a great piece on Substack last night by
with a similar sentiment about being more mindful about the choices we make. It was a supremely well-timed read and I really enjoyed it, I think you might too. Here’s a link if you’d like to take a read:
Such beautiful words and lovely reminders 🙏✨ In the past few years, I too have been forced to think hard about the things which matter most in life. It has been cathartic to share some on these on Substack, but it’s an ongoing process of searching and reflection; nothing is fixed: life is a journey.